The 500 Wing Lavatory
by Danny Messina

( modeled after the Gettysburg Address )

Zero score and twenty minutes ago my head lifted off my desk to the ringing of the school bell dedicated to the opportunity to go home for the day and rest. Now I feel a sudden urge of nature, testing whether my legs or any legs so conditioned and so exercised can get me to the bathroom.

I have come here to a great battlefield of that bathroom. I have come here to honor a portion of the latreneas a final resting place of that which gave its life that my bladder might not burst. It is altogether decent and natural that I should do this.

But in a larger sense, I cannot honor, I cannot admire, I cannot even stand the sight or smell of this bowl. The disgusting immature, freshmen through seniors, have filled it for more than its power to hold without flush. It is for me, who is present, to finish the job of those who thus far have forgotten to flush.

It is rather for me to be here forced into the hideous task at hand before me. That from my respectable conscience, I must take on the cause for which the gave no further sense of devotion. That these people's laziness shall not overcome, that this toilet in the bathroom shall have a clean bowl of water.